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marriage fact file


Some marriages are broken beyond repair. Both husband and wife entered marriage with unspoken expectations then got shocked and disappointed when their spouse refused to do the things they have always dreamt of. You shouldn't commit your life to someone you haven't discussed about and you have realized that he or she shares the same passion for your desired future. Faulty courtship is the culprit of unspoken expectations.

If you don't talk in courtship, you will soon file for divorce in marriage. Courtship is for talking and sharing expectations not kissing, pecking, smooching and ejaculating!

If you don't share your expectations in courtship, you will soon be shocked to the point of freezing in marriage! Talking is to give you insight into who this person had being, and would be. You can't assume that he or she would be a good spouse to you and parent to your children.

Better talk now before it is too late. What are your expectations? What are the things you can't do without and you want your spouse to do for you in marriage. What are the things they can't do without and expect you to do for them? Courtship is the period to find out. If you court for a month and you haven't known anything about him or her, then it is either you are just wasting time "dating" or one of you is keeping sealed lips.

Talk about finance. Money problem is the leading cause of divorce in the United States and most countries around the world. I mentioned U.S because they have verifiable data unlike our nation. Nevertheless couples here too are having serious issues with finance. Which some aren't handling well.

Who pays bills? How much do you earn? Will you be a full house wife? How much goes into savings, groceries, clothing, upkeep, vacations, kid's education, extended family, philanthropy, tithe, offering, etc? If you are to build a house in the village, whose village would that be? If you don't agree on how to spend money. Your marriage has failed before you started.

If you want her to kneel down and greet you every morning when you wake up, tell her now, don't assume she knows only to get married and the woman would not say "hi darling" talk less of kneeling to greet you! You cherish the kneeling down because that is what you grew up seeing your mum do daily. But would this slay girl kneel to great you "good morning?".

Some of these issues you tag as not important to discuss about becomes a major concern in marriage.

Talk about family dependents. Would you allow any of your family members live with you? If yes, agree, if no, agree. *Both of you must find out what works for you and agree on it.* Such agreements may need documentation and signing of both of you.

Don't assume they know you hate having your in-laws living with you only to arrive from work and see all your in-laws squatting in your one room apartment!

Talk about your sex life. Better do this in public (outdoor) if you don't want to land in bed. Discussion about sex should be done few months to the wedding not early in courtship. How do you want your sex life to be? Are you high or low? Would you experiment with different sex styles and positions? Do you prefer heavy foreplay before intercourse, let them know! This is crucial! Most people's sex life is a huge disaster! They entered marriage thinking they know only to be grossly disappointed. The man entered marriage expecting the woman to do oral but she hates it with passion, he soon got hooked to a colleague at work who gave him mighty blow job regularly, the wife eventually finds out and files for divorce. The marriage is over! You can't do without sex so talk about it! Talk about it with caution. Talk about it to know him or her and not to make each other horny.

Talk about your spiritual life. How committed are you in church? Are you a minister? Would you go deeper in your service with God and spend more time at church than at home? Talk about these things.

Don't say it doesn't matter until you get married and shocking revelations stare you in the face!

"We will discuss it when we marry" No sir. That is an error already that may fire back at you. Discuss now.

What you don't prepare for will grind you!

A successful marriage is not by luck, it is hard work and you have nothing to work on if you don't talk about it in courtship.

Courtship is the period to ask questions and get to know each other before you make a journey of no return, so court wisely. God bless.



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